I had so much fun tonight. Perhaps I was too greedy for it that I hope time don't flow too fast. I'm afraid that I can never catch up, I have this fear of growing up and entering new environment, is a scaring feelings that I can never explain.

When I was young, entering sec school, I tear quietly. I didn't know why as well. Even when I enter ITE? I'm still feeling scare. And now, I'm turning 20 in a year's time knowing that I've got plenty of goals to catch, knowing that I'm starting poly and orientation from tomorrow, I can't concentrate.

The feelings were like.. I want to pursue my life in Korea. I wanna get to know Onew, work with him, and everything which were highly impossible but isn't something impossible. As long as I learn Hangul? I still get a living there. But all these need time. Watching something you dying for so badly yet got no promise of sucess in return and what's future holding for? I dream high and big but I don't dare. I don't wanna waste a life of 3 years in poly not knowing what's next! I've got something to do and there must be!

Sigh! That's something can't be explain right? I know. When I turn back looking at myself, I ask whether is this the reality? But certainly this is what I want. I guess everyone thought of it too. I want a business by myself, I wanna set something in relate to korea but howhowhow? Is all about how, finance and fearing. Tsk!

Right now, I just hope I've got something in mind. At least teaching me how to get things that I want. I don't have to be rich, I just want to be happy.