RANTING!































































Sometimes I really wonder was it that I'm too kind that be it you, him or her would just take full use of me. By saying just a thank you or thanks, what else does it takes for you to appreciate what I've gave. Is not that I want to claim my credit or whatsoever but I felt rather pissed and irritated. Must you curse and swear in order to let people notice you?

One thing it took me to realized.

Best Friend(bf). A Girlfriend would never like her own Boyfriend to have his own Bf! To them, their Boyfriend is like themselves while the Bf are their(boyfriend) Girlfriend. They are treated equally and share the same love.

When the Girlfriend left, it doesn't even took them to realize their mistake and by then, that Girl had already went off with another guy.

It yearn upon me with your reaction.
I won't forget them. At least I know how much it stands.

What I've got in return after a long day?? A reject to my help despite I'm at a total lost. Just a thank you for making your day and nothing else. That's easy and simple! You couldn't even do that simple task and expecting me to face it in your own same situation. If you're feeling awkward, how about me? It makes me feel shameless, totally! As if a girl with no discipline.

I felt that my matter doesn't bothers you and you couldn't be bothered as well. But what? Being so work up when you receive that text and what else? Do you want me to believe as well? Can I even say no? Not even a call or text despite I hang the phone in a mad manner. Great, I worth so much(:

And what else I've got in return waking up early in the morning like your customize Alarm Clock? Again is like you can't be bother to explain further and best still, might as well just don't reply my textes. Whatever excuses, I don't wanna hear them for what I've already knew that you would say that. It just add on saying that you can't be bothered with me, good(:

Also, it is telling me that I can don't reply textes whenever I'm busy be it that message was an urgent one or not.


As for me, it doesn't says that because you expect or know what I can, I would and I could do so I have to do it for the sake of you.

Certain things I don't have to say them to show that I'm sick, I'm tired, I need you, I'm worn out, I need a rest, I need some care and concern from you and then you come showering me with what I need. Provide them consistently in my life even it is a rainy or sunny day! This would be more than enough for me to keep on moving and maintain whatever we are. This is what I need!

I realized that I should be more selfish than ever. I focus too much on what others' need and feelings instead of myself which I had already neglected my own feelings. And that is the reason why I don't have any objection towards any decision made but just throw that little temper which you wouldn't even care and then... life move on.

I'm not taken for granted and its not that your feeling I should take care of and neglect my own.

If in any situation, I have to be the one understanding your needs and desire, then who would be mine to do those?

I am certain that I did not over pollute my mind.

And what's fighting for so hard when others do not appreciate it which just take my effort for granted? I rush and I remind, but did anyone take those word of mine seriously? Or I'm like a mad slave clearing the chores on hand?

Fair enough that everything I've mention doesn't makes me feel good! I look more like an idiot used times and times, over and over, again and again! I only hide these grudges to myself to ease your worries/problem for the fact that if I mention them to you, you would think that I'm a person who is so problematic. What else? "Yes, I understand them." AND LIFE MOVES ON WHICH MAKES ME FEEL THAT MY WORDS JUST FALL ON DEAF EARS!

Sorry, I'll never be that foolish again.

Is never possible to open up a harden shell which is turning cold.
I just feel like closing up my own shell.